you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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