Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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