I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
