I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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