If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
