Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
