Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
