What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
