If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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