My cat gives me a boner
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i've created a new STD.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
