i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
