i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you would pick up someone in the library
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
