Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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