If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
