is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
