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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
