you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
