apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
