Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize