When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
