mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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