I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
