I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
