You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
