there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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