After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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