He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
