you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
