all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
