I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize