Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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