I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
