My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
