The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize