I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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