So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
