You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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