Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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