pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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