By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
