I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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