At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
