I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
