Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
