You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
