im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
