Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
