i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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