Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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