If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
