I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
