No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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