We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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