It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
