I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
