I hate your face
I smell stomach acid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
