All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His hands were made for my vagina.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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