the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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