just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
