things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
