dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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