I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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