420 ftw
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
