im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
