Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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