so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
