its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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