does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sarcasm needs its own font
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
