I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
