DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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